Being single and looking for a serious relationship must be hard. In many novels and movies I've seen a pretty, hardworking and sincere girl go through date after date only to be heartbroken and disappointed until she finally meets her Mr.Right! I don't have any idea how match-making websites fare when it comes to helping someone really find their special someone. I have been in the life partner hunt process twice - not for myself - but for each of my darling sisters.
More than twelve years ago, I was deeply involved in the groom search process for my older sister. She had a quintessential arranged marriage - spreading the word of the search through friends and family, sending out a handwritten biodata and photographs, matching of hor(r)o(r)scopes, formal girl-seeing by a mini army from the boy's family, engagement and finally a big tambram wedding! I used to start my sunday mornings with the Hindu newspaper, circling interesting-looking profiles from the matrimonial classifieds. I used to write cover letters to every single family that we contacted with the girl's horoscope and bio-data. I had lengthy and sometimes heated arguments with my mother on why we should let go of really good prospects just based on the fact that horoscopes didn't match. Many a time horoscopes that our astrologer deemed incompatible got the opposite verdict from the groom's side astrologer. And vice versa. This annoyed me to no end. If this is an exact science, 2 + 2 should equal 4, no matter where you computed it - here or at the North Pole, I argued. But my parents were adamant that our astrologer had to give us the green signal to go ahead. I detested how he put a big check mark ( to indicate good matching) or a yucky big cross mark( to mean we could not proceed). The pass or fail was so random according to me. Sometimes I wanted to just bribe him so he would pass good profiles. I once wrote thirty cover letters, attached the necessary paperwork and carefully wrote the addresses on the envelopes, sealed them and made a note of the name and addresses in my diary. I posted the thirty envelopes and came home and said - One of those better work , I am not doing any more. It was draining, just like when buying a house - what you like often does not work out, what is available is hard to like and time is running out. The girl-seeing was another big sore point with me, but my parents insisted on doing things the old fashioned way. But I have to give complete credit to them, in that, they always respected our wishes. My parents never forced anything on my sister throughout the process and she had the complete freedom to say no to anyone she did not feel okay to go ahead with. Finally along came my brother-in-law and the rest as they say is history.
My family has now started the groom search for my younger sister. After more than a decade going by and with my mother not being with us physically, this time, I am more then deeply involved. One big difference now is that most of the search happens on matrimony websites and that is completely the norm. While it is easy to have the initial screening process at least at your fingertips - this is a whole new level of what-the-heck? I am not looking at girls' profiles, so will only share my experience of looking at profiles of prospective grooms. The profile involves some pictures of the individual, a small write-up about the person - written by himself or a family member and other pieces of information - education, hobbies, work etc.
Pictures -
Category 1 : No pictures. - To this I want to say, 'Take a hike'. If you do not want to share some pictures with a prospective girl's family, you have no business being on this site. The photo is the first level of screening, it's hard to start communicating in this context without seeing a basic picture of someone.
Category 2 : A long shot on some snowcovered mountain or amidst a tea estate- hello!!!! If I've never seen you before I cannot appreciate you looking like a tiny dot in a big picture. Sunglasses on- everyone looks stylish with shades on, please! Without seeing your eyes I cannot figure out how you look.
Cap on head : how bald are you, I haven't a clue!
Hair being blown left, right or all directions by the wind/ long due for a cut : how hard is it to do a simple combing/styling?
Smile please - or at least don't frown - Seriously I have seen so many pictures with a sharp, rude stare or a grumpy expression - it's very off-putting.
Group picture : showing up with half-a-dozen friends in the picture makes it hard to get a good look and to put one such picture on a matrimonial site makes one go - what was he thinking?
If any of the above type of pictures coexist with a couple of good ones, I don't have an issue. But, many times, some profiles are guilty of all of the above.
When you get past the pictures, you land on the 'a few words about...'. If it is the parents or a family member that introduces the boy, mostly , one can be a little considerate. But when the boy writes about himself, I am hoping to see a decent write-up without too much bragging. Say a few things - about where you grew up, your education, what you do, your hobbies and what sort of a person you are and what kind of a person you are looking for.
Sometimes I'll see a ' looking for a beautiful, fair,slim, tall, well educated, girl' and that's it. On many occasions - intelligent, responsible and well behaved girl - have also been added to this list. Seriously?
Ah! Life would be so bleh! but for all these different people !!!!
More than twelve years ago, I was deeply involved in the groom search process for my older sister. She had a quintessential arranged marriage - spreading the word of the search through friends and family, sending out a handwritten biodata and photographs, matching of hor(r)o(r)scopes, formal girl-seeing by a mini army from the boy's family, engagement and finally a big tambram wedding! I used to start my sunday mornings with the Hindu newspaper, circling interesting-looking profiles from the matrimonial classifieds. I used to write cover letters to every single family that we contacted with the girl's horoscope and bio-data. I had lengthy and sometimes heated arguments with my mother on why we should let go of really good prospects just based on the fact that horoscopes didn't match. Many a time horoscopes that our astrologer deemed incompatible got the opposite verdict from the groom's side astrologer. And vice versa. This annoyed me to no end. If this is an exact science, 2 + 2 should equal 4, no matter where you computed it - here or at the North Pole, I argued. But my parents were adamant that our astrologer had to give us the green signal to go ahead. I detested how he put a big check mark ( to indicate good matching) or a yucky big cross mark( to mean we could not proceed). The pass or fail was so random according to me. Sometimes I wanted to just bribe him so he would pass good profiles. I once wrote thirty cover letters, attached the necessary paperwork and carefully wrote the addresses on the envelopes, sealed them and made a note of the name and addresses in my diary. I posted the thirty envelopes and came home and said - One of those better work , I am not doing any more. It was draining, just like when buying a house - what you like often does not work out, what is available is hard to like and time is running out. The girl-seeing was another big sore point with me, but my parents insisted on doing things the old fashioned way. But I have to give complete credit to them, in that, they always respected our wishes. My parents never forced anything on my sister throughout the process and she had the complete freedom to say no to anyone she did not feel okay to go ahead with. Finally along came my brother-in-law and the rest as they say is history.
My family has now started the groom search for my younger sister. After more than a decade going by and with my mother not being with us physically, this time, I am more then deeply involved. One big difference now is that most of the search happens on matrimony websites and that is completely the norm. While it is easy to have the initial screening process at least at your fingertips - this is a whole new level of what-the-heck? I am not looking at girls' profiles, so will only share my experience of looking at profiles of prospective grooms. The profile involves some pictures of the individual, a small write-up about the person - written by himself or a family member and other pieces of information - education, hobbies, work etc.
Pictures -
Category 1 : No pictures. - To this I want to say, 'Take a hike'. If you do not want to share some pictures with a prospective girl's family, you have no business being on this site. The photo is the first level of screening, it's hard to start communicating in this context without seeing a basic picture of someone.
Category 2 : A long shot on some snowcovered mountain or amidst a tea estate- hello!!!! If I've never seen you before I cannot appreciate you looking like a tiny dot in a big picture. Sunglasses on- everyone looks stylish with shades on, please! Without seeing your eyes I cannot figure out how you look.
Cap on head : how bald are you, I haven't a clue!
Hair being blown left, right or all directions by the wind/ long due for a cut : how hard is it to do a simple combing/styling?
Smile please - or at least don't frown - Seriously I have seen so many pictures with a sharp, rude stare or a grumpy expression - it's very off-putting.
Group picture : showing up with half-a-dozen friends in the picture makes it hard to get a good look and to put one such picture on a matrimonial site makes one go - what was he thinking?
If any of the above type of pictures coexist with a couple of good ones, I don't have an issue. But, many times, some profiles are guilty of all of the above.
When you get past the pictures, you land on the 'a few words about...'. If it is the parents or a family member that introduces the boy, mostly , one can be a little considerate. But when the boy writes about himself, I am hoping to see a decent write-up without too much bragging. Say a few things - about where you grew up, your education, what you do, your hobbies and what sort of a person you are and what kind of a person you are looking for.
Sometimes I'll see a ' looking for a beautiful, fair,slim, tall, well educated, girl' and that's it. On many occasions - intelligent, responsible and well behaved girl - have also been added to this list. Seriously?
Ah! Life would be so bleh! but for all these different people !!!!
