Que Sera Sera
I have no fixed idea or plan for what my daughter should be when she grows up. My parents gave me the freedom to choose my path and never forced any of their children into or away from any field. My daughter certainly will have more choices and more challenges (ouch!)than I did , when she grows up. I hope she has the maturity and awareness to recognize her calling and go for it. The reason I am talking about career choices for my toddler is : she found a long piece of white foamboard left over from a home decoration project. It's a 5ft by 1/2ft long rectangular piece. She was holding it in her hands and shaking it around ( it's very light). After a couple of times, she started swinging it and shaking it jumping up and down. She called out to me to see what she was doing. I instantly knew she was trying to mimic the people who stand at busy intersections on weekends and shake signs advertising a new restaurant or housing community. She's seen many a sight like such with amusement, wearing a huge grin on her face. This childhood excitement is okay, but I could hardly picture my child waving and shaking advertisement signs on street corners!!! I quickly shook her out of it with the generous offer of a candy and watching 'Curious George' on TV without asking for it. I don't know if I am simply attaching too much meaning to a simple act. That foamboard is going to disappear until I can figure out a good way to use it.
Daycare drama winds down
After many days of tormenting struggle, today my daughter went into school with a half hearted smile, without tears and actually gave me a hug , a kiss and waved bye to me! Considering what we went through the last three weeks, it feels like warm minestrone or lentil soup ( on a chilly day) for my soul - sorry, being a vegetarian, the expression 'chicken soup for the soul' makes me ill at ease; Its supposed connotations of comfort are lost on me!
I kept repeating to her how exciting her days are at school, the plethora of fun things she gets to do, how nice and caring her teachers are and so on. Eevn though those words never elicited an understanding nod or a 'Okay, ma', their cumulative effect combined with a sense of resignation must have attained fruition! This morning again during our drive I was rehashing the same tunes, when suddenly DD said " Amma, I got a boo-boo on my finger". I seized my chance and told her, her teacher could give her a bandaid, that she should ask for it with a "please". She cottoned to the concept of getting bandaids as I expected and that lubricated the whole effort nicely. I almost could'nt see the light at the end of this tunnel, I was thinking of looking at other care options since the settling down issue had blown out of proportion. It tugs at my heart to say bye to her when she smiles and walks into her classroom happily. To see her cry and struggle in protest is painful beyond words. I have jet lag from all the guilt trip I've been made to take.
So glad the curtains have started to draw down on this drama!
I kept repeating to her how exciting her days are at school, the plethora of fun things she gets to do, how nice and caring her teachers are and so on. Eevn though those words never elicited an understanding nod or a 'Okay, ma', their cumulative effect combined with a sense of resignation must have attained fruition! This morning again during our drive I was rehashing the same tunes, when suddenly DD said " Amma, I got a boo-boo on my finger". I seized my chance and told her, her teacher could give her a bandaid, that she should ask for it with a "please". She cottoned to the concept of getting bandaids as I expected and that lubricated the whole effort nicely. I almost could'nt see the light at the end of this tunnel, I was thinking of looking at other care options since the settling down issue had blown out of proportion. It tugs at my heart to say bye to her when she smiles and walks into her classroom happily. To see her cry and struggle in protest is painful beyond words. I have jet lag from all the guilt trip I've been made to take.
So glad the curtains have started to draw down on this drama!
New daycare drama!
Parenting, so far, for me has been a stimulating, rewarding, enriching, sleep depriving, exhillarating, under-the-table-crawling .... cornucopia of experiences. Must remind myself my daughter is just two and a half and there are more peaks to scale in this journey! One unique thing about motherhood - you have never before with anyone in your life resonated so much in their joy and pain. When your child is excited upon seeing a new toy, your heart soars. When he/she cries in pain, every cell in your heart aches. Now I can understand the expression - it's like having a piece of your heart walk outside your body!
DD has started at a new day care this week. Each day her settling down gets worse and worse. From crying for five minutes, she's progressed to one hour. She's not eating. Even her sippy cup comes back with milk( on which she practically lives)! Her dad dopped her at day care once and swore he'll never go through it again since it breaks his heart to leave his weeping, screaming daughter at day care and walk away mercilessly. Never mind the fact that I have to do it everyday!
I have been preparing her for this transition talking to her about the new place at every chance I get with her , every time she'd care to hear me. Initially she was excited , probably the gravity of spending an entire 8-9 hour day in a new place amidst new faces had not sunk in as yet!
I asked her softly last evening what she doesn't like about the new place, she says ' they have yucky carpet!'. My eyebrows go up a half inch looking at the mess she's made of the carpet at home!
Yesterday her teacher told me , when she was talking to someone on the phone, DD walks up to her and asks " Are you calling my dad to come pick me up? ". I am speechless!
Change is hard. Especially for me! As much as monotony and boredom set in easily, I am 'snug as a bug in a rug' most of the time. I resist any change. I can understand my daughter's situation. It does take a good deal of time to start feeling comfortable with your new environment.
The thing that really wrings my heart is, with lies and deception I manage to buckle her up in her car seat and drive her to her school. Once there, as she's fighting and struggling when the teacher literally tears her away from me, her flushed face and teary eyes shoot an expression of 'You too, Brutus?"! That realization that the one person closest to you, who you think understands you well is also hand-in-glove in this conspiracy - is evident on her face. I walk away partly because that's what I have to do, not linger and make it any more difficult for the teachers, mostly because I cannot stomach the emotion she hits me with! I drown in guilt as the tide of anger and helpless frustration ebbs and flows until I get to work and drown myself further in yet another set of challenges and issues. Motherhood smolders inside quitely singeing away at weak , lame attempts to justify it all saying it's what is practical! And that you can do nothing about it. I know in two weeks she'll be all settled in , adjusted and will start enjoying her new place and friends. But right now, she's in pain and I am in bigger pain.
DD has started at a new day care this week. Each day her settling down gets worse and worse. From crying for five minutes, she's progressed to one hour. She's not eating. Even her sippy cup comes back with milk( on which she practically lives)! Her dad dopped her at day care once and swore he'll never go through it again since it breaks his heart to leave his weeping, screaming daughter at day care and walk away mercilessly. Never mind the fact that I have to do it everyday!
I have been preparing her for this transition talking to her about the new place at every chance I get with her , every time she'd care to hear me. Initially she was excited , probably the gravity of spending an entire 8-9 hour day in a new place amidst new faces had not sunk in as yet!
I asked her softly last evening what she doesn't like about the new place, she says ' they have yucky carpet!'. My eyebrows go up a half inch looking at the mess she's made of the carpet at home!
Yesterday her teacher told me , when she was talking to someone on the phone, DD walks up to her and asks " Are you calling my dad to come pick me up? ". I am speechless!
Change is hard. Especially for me! As much as monotony and boredom set in easily, I am 'snug as a bug in a rug' most of the time. I resist any change. I can understand my daughter's situation. It does take a good deal of time to start feeling comfortable with your new environment.
The thing that really wrings my heart is, with lies and deception I manage to buckle her up in her car seat and drive her to her school. Once there, as she's fighting and struggling when the teacher literally tears her away from me, her flushed face and teary eyes shoot an expression of 'You too, Brutus?"! That realization that the one person closest to you, who you think understands you well is also hand-in-glove in this conspiracy - is evident on her face. I walk away partly because that's what I have to do, not linger and make it any more difficult for the teachers, mostly because I cannot stomach the emotion she hits me with! I drown in guilt as the tide of anger and helpless frustration ebbs and flows until I get to work and drown myself further in yet another set of challenges and issues. Motherhood smolders inside quitely singeing away at weak , lame attempts to justify it all saying it's what is practical! And that you can do nothing about it. I know in two weeks she'll be all settled in , adjusted and will start enjoying her new place and friends. But right now, she's in pain and I am in bigger pain.
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