La-loo episode
This evening when I went to pick up DD at day care, as usual I took her to the restroom. She is fiercely independent and insists on not getting any help from me. I comply. As she was washing her hands at the sink outside the bathroom, another mom asked me how old she was. Many times I get that from other moms who are pleasantly surprised to learn my 2 1/2 yr old is potty trained and goes about her activity in restroom all by herself, including washing her hands with soap and drying them with a paper towel and disposing it off properly. I smiled in the 'proud mama' moment. Before the curve of my smile could straighten up DD started pulling out more sheets of the paper towel. I gently chided her, reminding her to not waste paper, when she goes "One for me, one for appa and one for amma". I winced in pain, while the other moms giggled. With kids the grin-to-grimace transition happens instantaneously. I pleaded and coaxed in vain for her to let go of the paper. She gripped them close to her torso and walked away with conviction. I followed shaking my head at the 'helpless mama' moment.
Powercuts that helped connect
Recently saw a wall post on my kiddo cousin's FB profile that read 'Pissed off by powercuts..'
It can be very frustrating for people especially in the hot summer without their fans and air coolers/conditioners. Music/TV/studying , a slew of activities get disrupted, true! But somehow thinking back about powercuts brought back a lot of fond memories of my growing up years. Whenever we lost power, as much as it rankled us, it provided relief moments when we sisters and cousins chatted, mostly played antakshari. We shared funny anecdotes about happennings in school or college and sometimes my mother, or aunt also joined in the fun. We imitated our teachers and their accents and would be laughing hysterically. Gathering in one room in that candlelight , laughing and just being silly - I am overwhelmed by nostalgia. In this age of ipods, laptops, cellphones and blackberries - Gosh! There was a time when apple, blackberry were simple fruits, palm was a tree (or the inside of one's hand)
24 hour TV, youtube, facebook, twitter we're so well connected to far off people and events, but so detatched from those who are around us.
When I was in college I always commuted by public bus. I used to strike up a conversation with anyone sitting beside me, and such interactions have led to a couple of wonderful friendships. Today it's hard to see any young boy or girl not immersed in their cell phones- talking, messaging or lost in their musical world with a pair of white wires attached to earplugs, travelling down their ears and disappearing into a pocket or bag. The ability to work round the clock and remotely from outside office is the worst bane to hit our generation. The good old days when a siren signalled the start of the day at 7:30 or 8 am and another one at 5:30 when everbody had to wind down and leave, makes so much sense to me now. Weekdays, weekends, holidays; night and day - is all one big blur.
My most recent experience with power outage was when I was in Toronto, the east coast lost power for a day and a half. With traffic lights gone, public transport halted, we could not step out. Stores were closed, our electric stove was useless. Our kind landlady who lived in the basement urged us to bring our pressure cooker down to cook some rice on her gas stove. My colleagues and I had a nice candle light dinner - a simple menu of rice, some curry and spicy powders tasted so good with happy, unhurried and uninterrupted conversations.
A friend suggested to go on a 'digital diet' where you discipline yourself to stay away from the electronic monsters all around you. If only I could do it ! I'd welcome a power cut every now and then to break this maddenning pace of life, to close out all the distractions and have some good time with friends and family.
It can be very frustrating for people especially in the hot summer without their fans and air coolers/conditioners. Music/TV/studying , a slew of activities get disrupted, true! But somehow thinking back about powercuts brought back a lot of fond memories of my growing up years. Whenever we lost power, as much as it rankled us, it provided relief moments when we sisters and cousins chatted, mostly played antakshari. We shared funny anecdotes about happennings in school or college and sometimes my mother, or aunt also joined in the fun. We imitated our teachers and their accents and would be laughing hysterically. Gathering in one room in that candlelight , laughing and just being silly - I am overwhelmed by nostalgia. In this age of ipods, laptops, cellphones and blackberries - Gosh! There was a time when apple, blackberry were simple fruits, palm was a tree (or the inside of one's hand)
24 hour TV, youtube, facebook, twitter we're so well connected to far off people and events, but so detatched from those who are around us.
When I was in college I always commuted by public bus. I used to strike up a conversation with anyone sitting beside me, and such interactions have led to a couple of wonderful friendships. Today it's hard to see any young boy or girl not immersed in their cell phones- talking, messaging or lost in their musical world with a pair of white wires attached to earplugs, travelling down their ears and disappearing into a pocket or bag. The ability to work round the clock and remotely from outside office is the worst bane to hit our generation. The good old days when a siren signalled the start of the day at 7:30 or 8 am and another one at 5:30 when everbody had to wind down and leave, makes so much sense to me now. Weekdays, weekends, holidays; night and day - is all one big blur.
My most recent experience with power outage was when I was in Toronto, the east coast lost power for a day and a half. With traffic lights gone, public transport halted, we could not step out. Stores were closed, our electric stove was useless. Our kind landlady who lived in the basement urged us to bring our pressure cooker down to cook some rice on her gas stove. My colleagues and I had a nice candle light dinner - a simple menu of rice, some curry and spicy powders tasted so good with happy, unhurried and uninterrupted conversations.
A friend suggested to go on a 'digital diet' where you discipline yourself to stay away from the electronic monsters all around you. If only I could do it ! I'd welcome a power cut every now and then to break this maddenning pace of life, to close out all the distractions and have some good time with friends and family.
Happy Birthday amma!
Amma. Loving, supportive and totally huggable! A powerhouse of inner strength, a die-hard optimist, an epitome of 'Laugh and be happy, no matter what the situation'. As I age, I realize more and more how strong a woman my mother is and when I compare my college education , my work experience to her worldly wise ways, I am nowhere close to her. Being the home maker that she always has been she has at various times added quite a varied and colorful experience to her kitty. She has sewn blouses for some people in our neighborhood, she used to sell bedspreads and bedsheets out of our house. She single handedly oversaw the construction of our house along with managing all household chores and 3 children. My father's entire universe was his work. My mother paid bills, made all home related purchases, took care of our needs. I remember vividly, we used to live in this complex with 8 houses. There was an electric motor to pump water from a well to 2 overhead tanks from where all houses received their tap water. Most of the time that motor would not function properly. My mother would use a wrench and pry a tube open. Then feed water into it to fill the air gap and then screw the cap back on. Every single time the motor would stop working , which was very frequently, it was only my mother who took it upon herself to fix this. When even that didn't help, we'd go back to drawing water from the well with rough, braided thick ropes. I've drawn water from the well and seen my mom do it until I was 15 or 16. For a really long long time until I started my undergrad, my mother washed all our clothes on an old fashioned stone slab.
She worked briefly sewing and doing quality control at a Garments exports factory that her friend had newly started. Every stint she had to go out of the house to work, she beamed with happiness. She worked extra hard to cook, clean and run errands during these spells. Nobody forced her to work outside the house. In fact we all loathed it. I've been spoilt by a stay-at-home mom, in that, the one or two odd days that she ever had something important to do and I had to get our house keys from a neighbor's house after school, I was angry, teary eyed and very resentful. Nothing screamed 'NORMAL' more than my mother opening the door when I got back from school.
When we moved into our own house, there was a B.Ed college on the same street and an associated hostel. My mother ran a small stationary business out of her house. That didn't go too well. But she built a huge network of friends with the students and teachers. One time when they were looking for an office admin, her short-hand and typing skills came in handy and she worked there for almost a year. We frowned and she gushed with glee. Now I can understand how important it was for her to get out at least for a few hours and discover herself beyond her domestic duties.
During all times in my life that I've felt low or under-confident she always lifted my spirits, she has a great outlook on life. No matter what stress or difficulty she's in, she chooses to be grateful and look at the less fortunate. She's very fun-loving and is a friend of my friends, my sisters' friends, and my daughter's friends. She is way more open-minded, understanding and accomodating than I am at my age. She learnt to use the computer to email and chat, effortlessly. Whereas my electrical engineer dad is still reluctant to make the computer his friend. Adaptable, resourceful and easy going - you could put her anywhere on this planet and she'll be fine.
She travelled alone from Bangalore to san Francisco and then from here to Toronto with a stop over in Vegas. In Toronto she spent 20 days with me sans TV/ cell phone/computer. I worked without taking a day off and she happily lived her days reading a few books and taking long walks. Evenings and weekends I'd take her out. We watched 'Bend it like Beckham' and she loved it. We visited downtown Toronto and Niagara over the weekend , what a beautiful mommy-and-me time it was!
If an optimist says, the glass is half-full, my mother would pour the water into a smaller glass and call it 'completely full'. Her cup always runneth over! Whether you take her on a hike or to some friend's house, whether it's to the temple , for bowling or to try a different cuisine - the enthusiasm is the same. And if you cancel after discussing all of this as you have to work late, no problem. She'd await me at home with food, a smile and something to laugh about.
Never complaining, always happy, kind and considerate even to strangers; Quick to forget, quicker to forgive - I don't know how she does it!
Amma, there's none like you or will ever be! Happy Birthday!
She worked briefly sewing and doing quality control at a Garments exports factory that her friend had newly started. Every stint she had to go out of the house to work, she beamed with happiness. She worked extra hard to cook, clean and run errands during these spells. Nobody forced her to work outside the house. In fact we all loathed it. I've been spoilt by a stay-at-home mom, in that, the one or two odd days that she ever had something important to do and I had to get our house keys from a neighbor's house after school, I was angry, teary eyed and very resentful. Nothing screamed 'NORMAL' more than my mother opening the door when I got back from school.
When we moved into our own house, there was a B.Ed college on the same street and an associated hostel. My mother ran a small stationary business out of her house. That didn't go too well. But she built a huge network of friends with the students and teachers. One time when they were looking for an office admin, her short-hand and typing skills came in handy and she worked there for almost a year. We frowned and she gushed with glee. Now I can understand how important it was for her to get out at least for a few hours and discover herself beyond her domestic duties.
During all times in my life that I've felt low or under-confident she always lifted my spirits, she has a great outlook on life. No matter what stress or difficulty she's in, she chooses to be grateful and look at the less fortunate. She's very fun-loving and is a friend of my friends, my sisters' friends, and my daughter's friends. She is way more open-minded, understanding and accomodating than I am at my age. She learnt to use the computer to email and chat, effortlessly. Whereas my electrical engineer dad is still reluctant to make the computer his friend. Adaptable, resourceful and easy going - you could put her anywhere on this planet and she'll be fine.
She travelled alone from Bangalore to san Francisco and then from here to Toronto with a stop over in Vegas. In Toronto she spent 20 days with me sans TV/ cell phone/computer. I worked without taking a day off and she happily lived her days reading a few books and taking long walks. Evenings and weekends I'd take her out. We watched 'Bend it like Beckham' and she loved it. We visited downtown Toronto and Niagara over the weekend , what a beautiful mommy-and-me time it was!
If an optimist says, the glass is half-full, my mother would pour the water into a smaller glass and call it 'completely full'. Her cup always runneth over! Whether you take her on a hike or to some friend's house, whether it's to the temple , for bowling or to try a different cuisine - the enthusiasm is the same. And if you cancel after discussing all of this as you have to work late, no problem. She'd await me at home with food, a smile and something to laugh about.
Never complaining, always happy, kind and considerate even to strangers; Quick to forget, quicker to forgive - I don't know how she does it!
Amma, there's none like you or will ever be! Happy Birthday!
Nothing in particular-isms
Q : What turns perfectly normal, peaceful, fun-loving individuals into angry, depressed and sometimes violent entities?
A : Marriage
The single-most effective service social workers can do is to prevent some marriages from happenning!!!!
**************************************************************************************
My mother always says , a married couple needs a child to fill the emotional void that sets in, in a few years of being married. She believes all the differences and small arguments will be drowned with love and affection as the child will form a "bridge" between the husband and wife! I do whole heartedly agree with her now.
She couldn't be more right and more wrong! Bridge no doubt! When previously we would have been unable to get to each other , at times, we now spar frequently on the no-toll bridge!!!!
***********************************************************************************
I told my husband he should make a concious effort at being nice to me.
He replied with a grin that he'd take a "stab" at it!
***********************************************************************************
This one's from a reality TV show I was watching a few days back :
A thirty something woman is dealing with a relationship conundrum involving a chilhood friend turned love interest and an ex , she's discussing things with her 90 plus grandmom. She asks , " Gran, you were married to grandpa for 64 yrs, did you ever consider divorce?" Granny, sweet and wrinkled like a perfect raisin replies" Divorce - never! Murder - everyday!"
A : Marriage
The single-most effective service social workers can do is to prevent some marriages from happenning!!!!
**************************************************************************************
My mother always says , a married couple needs a child to fill the emotional void that sets in, in a few years of being married. She believes all the differences and small arguments will be drowned with love and affection as the child will form a "bridge" between the husband and wife! I do whole heartedly agree with her now.
She couldn't be more right and more wrong! Bridge no doubt! When previously we would have been unable to get to each other , at times, we now spar frequently on the no-toll bridge!!!!
***********************************************************************************
I told my husband he should make a concious effort at being nice to me.
He replied with a grin that he'd take a "stab" at it!
***********************************************************************************
This one's from a reality TV show I was watching a few days back :
A thirty something woman is dealing with a relationship conundrum involving a chilhood friend turned love interest and an ex , she's discussing things with her 90 plus grandmom. She asks , " Gran, you were married to grandpa for 64 yrs, did you ever consider divorce?" Granny, sweet and wrinkled like a perfect raisin replies" Divorce - never! Murder - everyday!"
Que Sera Sera
I have no fixed idea or plan for what my daughter should be when she grows up. My parents gave me the freedom to choose my path and never forced any of their children into or away from any field. My daughter certainly will have more choices and more challenges (ouch!)than I did , when she grows up. I hope she has the maturity and awareness to recognize her calling and go for it. The reason I am talking about career choices for my toddler is : she found a long piece of white foamboard left over from a home decoration project. It's a 5ft by 1/2ft long rectangular piece. She was holding it in her hands and shaking it around ( it's very light). After a couple of times, she started swinging it and shaking it jumping up and down. She called out to me to see what she was doing. I instantly knew she was trying to mimic the people who stand at busy intersections on weekends and shake signs advertising a new restaurant or housing community. She's seen many a sight like such with amusement, wearing a huge grin on her face. This childhood excitement is okay, but I could hardly picture my child waving and shaking advertisement signs on street corners!!! I quickly shook her out of it with the generous offer of a candy and watching 'Curious George' on TV without asking for it. I don't know if I am simply attaching too much meaning to a simple act. That foamboard is going to disappear until I can figure out a good way to use it.
Daycare drama winds down
After many days of tormenting struggle, today my daughter went into school with a half hearted smile, without tears and actually gave me a hug , a kiss and waved bye to me! Considering what we went through the last three weeks, it feels like warm minestrone or lentil soup ( on a chilly day) for my soul - sorry, being a vegetarian, the expression 'chicken soup for the soul' makes me ill at ease; Its supposed connotations of comfort are lost on me!
I kept repeating to her how exciting her days are at school, the plethora of fun things she gets to do, how nice and caring her teachers are and so on. Eevn though those words never elicited an understanding nod or a 'Okay, ma', their cumulative effect combined with a sense of resignation must have attained fruition! This morning again during our drive I was rehashing the same tunes, when suddenly DD said " Amma, I got a boo-boo on my finger". I seized my chance and told her, her teacher could give her a bandaid, that she should ask for it with a "please". She cottoned to the concept of getting bandaids as I expected and that lubricated the whole effort nicely. I almost could'nt see the light at the end of this tunnel, I was thinking of looking at other care options since the settling down issue had blown out of proportion. It tugs at my heart to say bye to her when she smiles and walks into her classroom happily. To see her cry and struggle in protest is painful beyond words. I have jet lag from all the guilt trip I've been made to take.
So glad the curtains have started to draw down on this drama!
I kept repeating to her how exciting her days are at school, the plethora of fun things she gets to do, how nice and caring her teachers are and so on. Eevn though those words never elicited an understanding nod or a 'Okay, ma', their cumulative effect combined with a sense of resignation must have attained fruition! This morning again during our drive I was rehashing the same tunes, when suddenly DD said " Amma, I got a boo-boo on my finger". I seized my chance and told her, her teacher could give her a bandaid, that she should ask for it with a "please". She cottoned to the concept of getting bandaids as I expected and that lubricated the whole effort nicely. I almost could'nt see the light at the end of this tunnel, I was thinking of looking at other care options since the settling down issue had blown out of proportion. It tugs at my heart to say bye to her when she smiles and walks into her classroom happily. To see her cry and struggle in protest is painful beyond words. I have jet lag from all the guilt trip I've been made to take.
So glad the curtains have started to draw down on this drama!
New daycare drama!
Parenting, so far, for me has been a stimulating, rewarding, enriching, sleep depriving, exhillarating, under-the-table-crawling .... cornucopia of experiences. Must remind myself my daughter is just two and a half and there are more peaks to scale in this journey! One unique thing about motherhood - you have never before with anyone in your life resonated so much in their joy and pain. When your child is excited upon seeing a new toy, your heart soars. When he/she cries in pain, every cell in your heart aches. Now I can understand the expression - it's like having a piece of your heart walk outside your body!
DD has started at a new day care this week. Each day her settling down gets worse and worse. From crying for five minutes, she's progressed to one hour. She's not eating. Even her sippy cup comes back with milk( on which she practically lives)! Her dad dopped her at day care once and swore he'll never go through it again since it breaks his heart to leave his weeping, screaming daughter at day care and walk away mercilessly. Never mind the fact that I have to do it everyday!
I have been preparing her for this transition talking to her about the new place at every chance I get with her , every time she'd care to hear me. Initially she was excited , probably the gravity of spending an entire 8-9 hour day in a new place amidst new faces had not sunk in as yet!
I asked her softly last evening what she doesn't like about the new place, she says ' they have yucky carpet!'. My eyebrows go up a half inch looking at the mess she's made of the carpet at home!
Yesterday her teacher told me , when she was talking to someone on the phone, DD walks up to her and asks " Are you calling my dad to come pick me up? ". I am speechless!
Change is hard. Especially for me! As much as monotony and boredom set in easily, I am 'snug as a bug in a rug' most of the time. I resist any change. I can understand my daughter's situation. It does take a good deal of time to start feeling comfortable with your new environment.
The thing that really wrings my heart is, with lies and deception I manage to buckle her up in her car seat and drive her to her school. Once there, as she's fighting and struggling when the teacher literally tears her away from me, her flushed face and teary eyes shoot an expression of 'You too, Brutus?"! That realization that the one person closest to you, who you think understands you well is also hand-in-glove in this conspiracy - is evident on her face. I walk away partly because that's what I have to do, not linger and make it any more difficult for the teachers, mostly because I cannot stomach the emotion she hits me with! I drown in guilt as the tide of anger and helpless frustration ebbs and flows until I get to work and drown myself further in yet another set of challenges and issues. Motherhood smolders inside quitely singeing away at weak , lame attempts to justify it all saying it's what is practical! And that you can do nothing about it. I know in two weeks she'll be all settled in , adjusted and will start enjoying her new place and friends. But right now, she's in pain and I am in bigger pain.
DD has started at a new day care this week. Each day her settling down gets worse and worse. From crying for five minutes, she's progressed to one hour. She's not eating. Even her sippy cup comes back with milk( on which she practically lives)! Her dad dopped her at day care once and swore he'll never go through it again since it breaks his heart to leave his weeping, screaming daughter at day care and walk away mercilessly. Never mind the fact that I have to do it everyday!
I have been preparing her for this transition talking to her about the new place at every chance I get with her , every time she'd care to hear me. Initially she was excited , probably the gravity of spending an entire 8-9 hour day in a new place amidst new faces had not sunk in as yet!
I asked her softly last evening what she doesn't like about the new place, she says ' they have yucky carpet!'. My eyebrows go up a half inch looking at the mess she's made of the carpet at home!
Yesterday her teacher told me , when she was talking to someone on the phone, DD walks up to her and asks " Are you calling my dad to come pick me up? ". I am speechless!
Change is hard. Especially for me! As much as monotony and boredom set in easily, I am 'snug as a bug in a rug' most of the time. I resist any change. I can understand my daughter's situation. It does take a good deal of time to start feeling comfortable with your new environment.
The thing that really wrings my heart is, with lies and deception I manage to buckle her up in her car seat and drive her to her school. Once there, as she's fighting and struggling when the teacher literally tears her away from me, her flushed face and teary eyes shoot an expression of 'You too, Brutus?"! That realization that the one person closest to you, who you think understands you well is also hand-in-glove in this conspiracy - is evident on her face. I walk away partly because that's what I have to do, not linger and make it any more difficult for the teachers, mostly because I cannot stomach the emotion she hits me with! I drown in guilt as the tide of anger and helpless frustration ebbs and flows until I get to work and drown myself further in yet another set of challenges and issues. Motherhood smolders inside quitely singeing away at weak , lame attempts to justify it all saying it's what is practical! And that you can do nothing about it. I know in two weeks she'll be all settled in , adjusted and will start enjoying her new place and friends. But right now, she's in pain and I am in bigger pain.
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